Monday, October 20, 2008

How to Photograph a Girl in an Aquarium

First, you need to develop an interest in tropical fish whilst in Junior High, after much cajoling convince your parents to let you procure a fish tank.

Enjoy the fish for a long time, but eventually start to neglect them until the tank is only half full (thanks to evaporation) and your starving fish are nourished mostly by the grime inside the tank.

One day, during your sporadic weekly feeding, you will notice that all of the fish have perished. The sense of loss is enhanced by the sad realization that you are horribly unqualified to ever have children.

Eventually the fish aquarium will be cleaned and years later a family member (in my case a brother) will desire to care for fish of their own, you willingly lend them the fish tank with a knowing grin silently predicting how their experience with the aquarium will end.

Two years later the fish aquarium is returned, now you can both reminisce on the fate of the poor fish under your respective care. After spending about 30 minutes too long trying to wedge the wooden fish aquarium stand out of the back seat of their car, the aquarium finds a resting place in the garage next to the lawn mower (which reminds me, when is my cousin going to come mow?)

One bored saturday afternoon while your wife is napping you may be tempted to find a model willing to shoot with you, she says she has a couple hours to spare and is "On her way," but asks, "What do you have in mind?"

Good question...

For some reason you notice the aquarium. Sitting there, a lonely tombstone to many loved, then neglected fish. You think to yourself, that would be a great idea, but there is no way a girl could fit in there.

You ask your wife, she agrees, a 29-gallon aquarium is not meant for a human body. So you move on and shoot another idea, and towards the end of the shoot you mention that you had once thought of shooting in the aquarium but abandoned the idea due to physics.

She claims she can fit in there, she is offended that you thought otherwise. Which is ridiculous because the aquarium is really not that big. She proves you wrong and before you know it you are hauling buckets filled with warm water out to the garage to fill the aquarium as your wife watches, shaking her head in amazement. Aren't we all.